five, 54 years maybe
Became a Christian.
started going to Hillview Bible Chapel in Cupertino, which is close to Apple's headquarters. If you know Apple computers.
Got married June 13th, 1987, have two kids.
One in Virginia, one in Los Angeles. So we split the difference in Texas.
Two years ago, we moved to Lubbock, Texas to
kind of run the discipleship intern training program, which was started by Bill McDonald and Gene Gibson. You might know those names.
I'm sure you don't know mine. I love sports, played college soccer.
Played ice hockey for five years when I was 30 till 35.
Love, again, anything to do with sports and
anything to do with the Lord. So that's kind of us.
Steve Price is, I think, the reason I'm here. Steve and I worked together in the DITP and he's very, very busy.
And when he is too busy then he
asked me to kind of cover for him on things that he otherwise should have been doing so
I apologize for not being C. Price. I'm the other Steve, and we get along real well. He'll be at my house.
I will tell him that you clapped for me. He'll be at my house on Sunday night.
I don't know if he gets any applause, but…
There was something that I was thinking that we should do
Let me grab my water while I'm seeing if I can remember. It was another get to know you thing.
Oh, yes. So this will be easy. Go around the room real quick.
And I want one of the two of you to tell me
how you proposed or how you were proposed to.
Okay, so you get to tell us that, and some of you may not be able to remember that far back, but explain your, so I'll start, I'll share mine um
My wife and I love the Neuschwastein Castle, which is kind of the Disneyland castle, the Palace of Disneyland. And so I was thinking that I wanted to get engaged at Disneyland.
So I got this all set up, another couple and us went down there. We stayed with my wife's
Aunt and uncle, everything was above board. But I wanted to
propose on her favorite ride at Disneyland.
Has anybody been to Disneyland or Disney World?
Okay, so a lot of you know. Okay, so I said to all right so
What's been your favorite ride? This is kind of around lunchtime.
And she said, Space Mountain.
Space Mountain is a roller coaster that's completely in the dark.
I'm like, hmm, that's not going to work.
So what's your second favorite ride? And it's getting a little bit kind of
I'm feeling a little bit awkward. And she said, oh, the Matterhorn.
And then another roller coaster, at least it's outside, but you're going through
Oh, that's not going to work.
But then I realized that the sky ride, you know, the one you get in the gondola and you go up and you go across the whole park, it went right through the middle of the Matterhorn.
So I was thinking, well, that would be pretty cool in the middle of the Matterhorn at midnight, I'll propose.
So that was kind of the plan. So somewhere around 930 or 10, I started talking about the sky ride. Oh, we haven't done the sky ride.
And my wife works for a personal injury lawyer
So she had a case one time where a sky ride broke
And she's like, I'm never going on a sky ride my entire life.
So I'm like, okay, well, this isn't working out too well for the home team. So finally, after probably two or three hours of bugging her, she said, okay, we'll go on the sky ride just for you.
And so then as it was, like I said, the middle of the Matterhorn, midnight, I didn't check my watch. It was pretty close.
I proposed to my wife.
And then the other couple, the guy knew about the plan, the girl didn't.
And we got off the gondola and he was there with a camera they didn't have
bones back then with cameras on them.
And she said, man, she looks like she got engaged or something.
And he goes, yeah, they did. And so she was actually more excited than my
I don't know what that tells you about my romantic abilities.
But so that's our story and we're sticking to it. Okay, so you don't have to be that long, but
Go ahead and share.
Okay, we…
I'm from Chicago, so I'm a Chicago fan. She's from
Since she's Wisconsin fan, would not be
A Bears fan with me, but she said she'd be a Cubs fan.
One of the things I loved about her is she had a son when we met and I loved watching her as a mother. So I decided to do it on Mother's Day.
And I got a cubs
Cub shirt made up for myself.
her and her son that said McKendrick 08 on the back because it was 2008 was when we were going to get married.
And we were supposed to be going out
We were talking about it. So we're going to go, I was looking for a new place
We're supposed to be going on for a different new place. And I was like, let's go back to my apartment
I'd get something my sisters had come and like set up
a table, I was at an apartment on Lake Michigan. So my windows looked out in Lake Michigan, had a table set up with um
a cub shirt and a bow wrapped around it with a ring on it.
And said McHenrick 08. And we walked into my apartment and she
picked up the shirt and dropped the ring. She's like, oh, my ring
But she had no idea. So I got down and I asked her to be the mother of my children.
And that's the rest is history. Awesome.
And then we went back to her parents house and had like a family party. My sisters are there and her whole family was there. He didn't go to a Cubs game. No, we did not.
That would have been epic. We did get to see them win the World Series in 2016 as a family. It was a very awesome experience.
Fun. Thank you.
Yeah, any way you want to go. Yeah, let's keep it on this side and then we'll come back up the other side.
All right. My wife absolutely hates this story, so she's going to sit here and look at it and be embarrassed while you tell it.
I don't remember exactly which day this was, but we were in the middle of a fight. A really stupid fight. I don't even know what it was about. I just remember it was really…
stupid. Yeah, she says pregnancy hormones were involved, but I don't think that was it.
I've always been a believer of when you know, you know.
And just right in the middle of this fight, I just knew that this is the woman I wanted to marry. So you got her in a headlock. It was the other way around, actually.
I just looked at her while she was just…
Deming mad at me. And I said, do you want to marry me? And she just
And I said, did you hear me? She goes.
Yes. And then she said yes.
We're fighting. Do you really want to marry someone you're fighting with. And I didn't have a ring at the time because I knew that we were going to use her mother's ring when she passed away. We were going to have to reuse that and have it fixed, but it needed a lot of work.
So that wasn't really…
So that, I have to say, is a unique story that I have not heard before in the middle of
That's pretty epic. Yep. Having a child on the way. We were in the middle of a fight and just right then I knew. And of course, that was the last fight you've ever had. So…
Which university are you asking? Go ahead and pass the mic.
I'm going to start and then Jim's going to finish and tell you the real story.
Well, as many of you know, my husband is a deer hunter.
Let's going deer hunting. Uh-huh.
So I figure in order to make this thing work, I grabbed his shotgun.
And I said to him, pointing the barrel to his face, how would you like to see a living deer for the rest of your life?
So this was a shotgun wedding. Well, yeah, it's a little different than Angus's. She had me in the headline.
So I gave up. So I said, yeah, no.
But it was really, we had a favorite restaurant that we always like going to. It's no longer there. It's called Parenti's. It was over in a little Italian restaurant. And we always liked…
getting their lasagna special dinner so it was
After that, you know, where you had dinner and there was after that. Renew where these things were leading, and I asked her to be my wife. At the restaurant. Well, yeah, actually after we were just finished at the restaurant, we were in the car and I just, yeah.
Jerry said I better do this because he can't remember.
He was just so in shock and overwhelmed by emotion that he forgot the details. Well, it's kind of similar to Jim and Judy's where we went to a restaurant, but our restaurant is still there.
But it's called Atsumori now. So it was a Friday night. It was a fish fry and um
We had dinner and we went out in the car and that's where he proposed in the car, but it was raining
And he asked me to marry him and I said yes. And we were hugging and then there was a
tap on the window and it was a policeman
to like move along. Nothing to see here. So that was hugging. So that was it. Nice.
So maybe I should ask, have you ever been arrested?
Stern warning.
What?
Okay, so we
Yeah, I guess our engagement was pretty, it was very sweet and we ended up getting engaged at a park.
It was like supposed to be a surprise, but of course I kind of expected, you know, what was what was coming. So we were at a park and I'd come with my sister and she was like, oh, make sure you wear something nice for our walk. Okay. You know those high heels? Yes, yes. So yeah, but it was a park right by our house and, um.
And we were just walking and then Joel came up the path from the other way and my brother-in-law was there and had a camera. Oh, cool.
That was very sweet.
And then we went out to dinner afterwards. Is your restaurant still there?
It is not, unfortunately. I know it's kind of a theme.
Figure it out.
Okay, I'm sure mine is really different than anybody else's here. Okay.
When he first asked me out, I said, absolutely not because I'm sick and tired of going with a guy just to go with a guy. So I guess I put that on the line. Boy. And he then
ended up
how many miles away in Columbia, South America as a single guy
And I think he assumed then, I'm just playing this, he'll find out if I'm wrong or not.
I think he assumed because I said that, that I would assume that he was very interested in me and wanted marriage.
And so there was never an official
Will you marry me? And I just, we just knew that that was what we were going to happen. And so after he was in Columbia for a year.
he came home and we got married
And went back to Columbia six months later. Without him even asking.
He never even asked. He just said, meet me here on the 20th. Oh, and I never had an engagement ring. He couldn't afford it.
I think I will change that and say on our 10th anniversary, I got a ring. Nice. Better late than never. Yeah.
So we got engaged when they're already laughing. What?
Um.
So we were living in the DC area, just outside DC and Maryland, and I was in graduate school and I would take the metro
from my school back to my school
place I was living and it was like the hottest day ever.
And it was a Friday and I was done with my school week. And so I got off the Metro and I was walking back home
It was like a half mile walk and I was going really, really, really slowly because it was just so hot and it was a long day.
And Neil had arranged
to
Have some friends kind of tail me and they all complained about how slow I was going. And actually, I saw one across the street and I waved and I thought, why isn't she coming to say hi to me?
And then, so then I turned a corner and there was Neil and he was pretending to be like a street vendor
This is really interesting.
And he was pretending to sell rings so
That's where he proposed on the street yeah
And then we went out to eat at the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.
And probably ever will be too. The inn at Little Washington in Virginia, it's still there. It's like
kind of notorious or yeah it was neat
Very nice day. Nice. Did you sell any rings that day, Neil?
Awesome.
So this will be a very long one. I'll try to shorten it in two words. Arrange marriage.
But I'll let Tanya give more details.
I mean, we in India, we have an arranged marriage system where we don't
get to see the boy much or talk to him or get to know him much.
So it's like the parents decide who
You marry so but you get to talk to him for a little bit and then decide whether you want to do it or not. So that's kind of our story. So we don't have much
But you do have a say. Yes, we do. At least we did, yeah. Some girls don't even have that option. So yeah, so I'm glad we did, yeah.
Say they shouldn't.
So yeah, first, after we spoke and agreed that, you know, this can work out uh
With our parents, we went to her house and met the family, very sweet family.
And then we had an engagement ceremony.
where more families come and we formalize it
And then a wedding ceremony happens so
Yeah. Were you married in India? So was it like a two-day event or because some of those men yeah
All those 600 gifts. Wow.
which is less for India. Yeah, that is small for India. I saw one
A guy from our chapel got married in India and I zoomed in and it was, I think there was 850 people there. So yeah.
Very large.
Um.
Okay.
My son had a soccer tournament in Arizona.
And I was going to go to Arizona and
what happened to find a
conference in Arizona.
So we did a walk in Sedona
and um
On the path he proposed to me.
In Red Rock. So it was really sweet. That's a beautiful area. Yeah. That's cool yeah
And when he was on his knees, he had the engagement ring upside box in the
upside down. So I was looking at this ring and it was all upside down. I was like
I wanted to tell them, turn it around.
But it was very special. Good.
But how did the soccer team do? That's what I want to know.
Turns out her son was targeted by three soccer players. They collided in him and took out a chunk of his meniscus. Oh, dear. So he was not recovered to even participate in that, but all the travel itinerary was complete.
But it was still good that I was able to go down yeah could you imagine if he didn't go? That would have been a bummer. What a wasted conference. So even though she mentioned Red Rock, you know, Sedona.
There's a lot of dust and little stones and pebbles
And you wonder if the restaurant still exists.
The rocks are still on my knee.
Why are you wearing a knee pad, by the way?
Um.
We got engaged at a restaurant it was
On my birthday, it's the best birthday present I ever got. Nice.
The restaurant doesn't exist either. Totally bulldozed. Now it's just a parking lot.
We'd gone out and um
I just, we were holding hands under the table, sitting across from each other, and I just slid the ring on her finger. Whoa, sneaky. I was…
Confident.
Pretty sure she was going to say yes.
That's it. All right.
So Marty asked me to go because he can't remember all of the details and he didn't want to mess it up. It's kind of arranged. All right. So I think…
I think everyone in this room know
I was a single missionary for many, many years, didn't want to get married, wanted to go live in a tribe or
help women on the streets or something. So never wanted to get married. I came to Wisconsin to be at the Bible school.
And I looked for the chapel. One of our elders told me of a chapel in Wawahusa or something.
So I came and he grew up in the chapel so
We've known each other for a long time.
And so, like I said, I don't know how he found out or if somebody told him, because I always say I never want to get married. I'm going to be a single missionary.
Anyway, so on and off court, and then we
I think everybody also know that my husband is very simple and I like simple life because I wanted to be a missionary. So at that time I didn't
care about fancy stuff or do i didn't even know much about all that stuff so
I was in about 13 weddings as a maid of honor, a bridesmaid, and I was on my way to be in another wedding on that Friday. So it was a Thursday night.
And we were home. He came to drop me off to the airport.
And so the ring was bought six months before. Wow. And was in a yellow socks.
Hide away. And so simply in our home he
Just ask. And then I say, wow, I'm going to a wedding with a ring on my finger.
Nice.
Okay.
So…
First time I met my wife was at
college and uh
Trinity Western College in Canada.
And I was in the lobby with two other guys from Minnesota. The three of us went to Canada and
One of Carmen's friends was there. We were talking to her and Carmen went
walking through the lobby there where we were. And her friend goes.
Aren't the boys from Minnesota cute?
And Carmen said, no, and walked out.
Real confidence boost. Yep.
So from then on, every time we saw her on campus, whether it was right there or
All the way on the other side of campus, we'd go, hey, embarrass her.
We didn't say, remember us, the boys from Minnesota or anything like that. But anyway, so…
A year later, we were both RAs.
We started…
hanging out together and then
started going out together. And to get to the point
We were, I think it was
Was it Thanksgiving? It was thanksgiving.
Canadian Thanksgiving and um
We flew to flew to
No, this was a different one. Anyway, we were in her basement. She couldn't pick up the basement? We were in her folks basement.
in Canada, Calgary, Alberta, and we were watching
a movie and it was the movie with Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis, and they were uh
escapees chained together and everything.
And I thought, well, this is a good time.
You want to be changed with me for life?
So I said to Carmen, I said, if I asked you to marry me, would you marry me?
She said, what did she say?
Boys from Minnesota. So she said.
No.
And I looked at her and I said.
Will you marry me? She said.
Yes.
Liar, lie, your pants on fire. You just said you'd say no. I take it back. No, I didn't.
Obviously, I didn't take it back. Here we are. And so not being
romantic, just being mantic. That's how I propose to her.
Rotic? Yeah, Rhodic. Romantic without the man.
No rain. Well, I thought I was being manly
I know. So later, we hadn't asked her dad, so I had to ask her dad, so…
But we were on a flight from
Minnesota to Minnesota.
Vancouver. Anyway, in the airport on the layover in toronto
I slid the ring under the
table and gave it to her. I hear that's the thing.
So that was not unique somebody else yeah
No, he actually said, we're going through customs. Can you put this on?
Thinking ahead. Okay.
Because it would have confiscated it otherwise?
It would have cost us a lot of money.
And we didn't have any. Oh, okay. So it was a marriage of convenience.
So anyway, before you guys get in trouble tonight.
So Hannah and I uh
have known each other since we were 12 or 13.
She was in Albania at the time with her parents.
And…
we have proof now after we got married that we were showing each other pictures
We have proved that in our, you know, a gap piece or church conferences that we had
from the church of St. Albania, she would be with her group over there and i would be here
And it's like we've never
seen each other kind of huh?
And their presence was always felt when they came, you know, 10 kids, youngs are here
I just never remember seeing her but
My first recollection was that
So I was referred to my deacons of our assembly in Tirana and we went to El Bassan, the city where she lived.
And we were supposed to meet our dad. He was in charge of the warehouse where, you know.
different churches will come and get
something that they need for the church.
So he wasn't able to meet us there, but he invited us to his house.
So we go there and as soon as I enter their kitchen.
I see Hannah with her siblings just
It looks like a feast, you know, like they were bouncing jokes with each other and she was so lively and
I don't know what others have seen on me at that moment, but I'm pretty sure I was like.
You know, froze and I don't know.
So I was like, oh, and then fast forward, I went to one of their hymns uh
So that's what I told her that I liked her and um
I told her then that I would like to
get to know her a little more and more
We got engaged. So I arranged with her mother to her
take her to a coffee shop in El Bassan, where she lived and took her from there.
And we went to the beach.
That's where I proposed.
And yeah, I drove her home that evening and on my way back home
I forgot that I had some flowers in the trunk to give her. So I had to come back
Give her the flowers.
And then, yeah, we got married and about a month ago, we went to the same place spot where we got married with our kids. The beach is still there.
The place is still there. Yeah.
Not the beach, not where I propose, where we got married oh okay
so um the beaches.
Yeah, the beach is there, yeah.
Yeah, so we had a moment of thankfulness, you know, to be there and
See what the Lord has done in the last 17 years and
I took her for a spin for a dance or two.
where we had our first dances. Nice. That's when we wipes them.
So we first
met each other on
Saturday, March 21st, 2009.
At the youth conference
And then we got to know each other
It was…
it was…
About 10. What's even the point? 10.
10 a.m.
Who's going to fact check that?
10 a.m. in a building which is still there. Good.
Yes, near the center of Tirana.
Then around late November, actually, we bought a engagement ring to get
Sorry, together.
it was a really nice, really nice ring.
And then we went for a walk
Late November, because at that time I still lived in my hometown
And then I went to visit blurtham
We had to walk and we went to a very big building in the center of Tirana.
Which is a landmark. It's called sky tower
And on top of the building, there is a rotating bar which goes around
And from that place, you can see the whole of the city because it's kind of in the center it's very tall very big
And then looking outside the
the fans of the building
I proposed, I gave her the ring to her and she was like surprised i think
She didn't expect that.
Even though she was with you when you bought the ring.
Didn't see that coming, apparently. Yeah, I mean, no, you know, she, of course, sooner or later it would happen, but she didn't know at that time. She didn't see it coming at that moment.
And then she was, of course, very happy and um
the building is still there now it's bigger and better yes yes
So yeah. Very good. Appreciate that. Thank you.
So this was back in
99, yeah. So 99. So…
There was a couple in our assembly that they made jewelry
So I went and i had them
make me a diamond ring.
So, but there was a long process. They had to get this diamond ship from somewhere. It just seemed like it took forever.
So I remember he gave me the ring. It was a prayer meeting, gave me the ring.
You said, when are you going to ask her? I said, tomorrow. As soon as I can.
So we went out and so we went out to eat at Paisons. It's not there anymore in Madison.
But I had this idea. I wanted to ask her to marry me. There's this, it's called Monona Terrace. It overlooks the lake in Madison, Lake Monona.
It's kind of like this. It's like a, you know, just overlooks the water. It's really pretty. The problem is it's like six blocks away from the restaurant so
We get out of the restaurant, I grab her hand and start walking like six blocks.
She's like, where are we going? What's happening? We walked six blocks, got to the spot
Got to the point overlooking the lake and then that's where I asked her to marry me so
How many blocks into it did you know this was coming?
I didn't know, but something felt weird. Yeah.
No idea. Okay. I had no idea and so
It was like, I wanted it to happen, but I was like, what's going on? So yeah, I just remember like feeling like he was acting strange.
And so, yeah, and we had no purpose. And anyway, so we were walking
Very fast. And I remember I'm like.
fiddling with his pocket. I think I was holding his hand and…
I don't know. There was something weird with his hand in his pocket or something so
I don't know. And then there was like no one there. And this one person that was like.
coming to the terrace. I'm like, I just got engaged. I just wanted to tell the world. And so it was really great.
So.
So…
No, no, this is me verifying that the river is still there. The bridge is still there. This is Google Maps satellite imagery, people.
So my wife and I met in Bible school west of Milwaukee
We were both going to those same Bible school, but we didn't actually initially get to know each other through the school. We got to know each other through work.
Because we both…
We would study in the mornings and then we would work in the afternoon. We both ended up working at the same
driver's Education Company in Waukesha
You know?
So, um.
Anyway, we got to know each other there through work. There was a handful of students that worked there and we would walk to and from work together and see each other at breaks and all that.
So anyway, eventually it became one of those things where it was like, hey, what are you doing this evening or this afternoon? Oh, I got to do homework. What about you? Yeah, me too. And it was kind of like, oh.
You want to do homework together?
But of course, you don't end up doing much homework together. You know, it's a lot of like sitting at the same table with your work in front of you, but doing a lot of talking side to side, you know.
And anyway, both similar backgrounds, both heavy homeschool background, assembly background, built an interest in missions work.
And…
Started to feel like we were heading in the same direction on things.
in life and had a similar background as a foundation and
I arranged to meet her folks halfway between Milwaukee and Sheboygan
And played it off like I was going to go do
Homework with my buddy from Bible school at this place
offsite, you know, but really I was meeting with their parents and basically explaining why I thought they should let me marry their daughter.
And they didn't argue and that was
a relief. And so then got back immediately suggested we go for a walk
And it was like January, I think.
So not the warmest time of year but we went
southwest side of Waukesha, there's the Glacial Drumlin state triple
Fox River. I was with a friend.
And he said, do you want to go for a walk? And I said, no, I'm hanging out with my friend.
My friend insisted.
that I go for a walk. Did they know? Did the friend know? No.
But so she grudgingly came along.
How fast were you walking? Uh.
We went in my car because he didn't have a car.
you know that whole like getting historical and arguments
I've heard that.
Yeah, that's not unique.
No, no.
So there's this little bridge and there was chunks of ice breaking off and floating down the river. You know, it's just kind of a nice idyllic little scene there, even though it was cold.
And one thing about Sonia is that
she doesn't like, no, this is not a judgment against any other lady's taste, but she doesn't like pink. She doesn't like heart shapes and she doesn't like
the white gold look.
So what I did…
In order to buy a ring to ask her to marry me, I went to Walmart.
And they bought a $15
White, gold, ring.
With a pink heart shape, cheap stone on it.
And I figure she's going to have to know clearly what she's getting herself into here so
So I proposed to her on this bridge
with this ring, which was clearly not at all what she would have wanted and
It didn't even fit.
So she couldn't even wear it.
But she knew what she was getting herself into and um
She did say yes, although she said, but you haven't asked my parents yet. And I said, oh, that's what you think.
So anyway, it was an interesting situation. But she said yes. You still have the ring.
Somewhere, yeah. Probably somewhere in the late.
So it was…
August, July 4th.
And I'm going to say the story backwards a little bit because I wish it was the right order.
So we went to this castle in Elbasan is her city
Back in Albania.
And it's very beautiful and beautiful
I gave her a ring.
with a heart. Two hearts.
Two hearts.
And it's kind of cheap because it bends a little bit
And then we went back to the church and they were watching a big European soccer game match and it was full of people and we are showing to everyone in the ring. So that's the end of the story. Now, the beginning is…
that my father-in-law… It was my birthday.
it was her birthday, July 4th. My father-in-law day before he said
you have the blessings to the blessings.
For Leah. Because he wanted to marry me sooner, but my dad made him wait till I was 19. So it was my 19th. It was her 19th birthday.
So the next day you saw me yesterday with a tie. So I was with a tie that day and I show up to her house and then she's coming with her mom and the two sisters
And she was completely surprised from coming from the shopping. She's seen me with a tie.
But then we had the family coming over. So we did something like the Albanian that we involved the family more
So the family was there and then afterwards we went out so
No, he asked me in front of my parents. In front of your parents. And he gave me the traditional necklace.
And side note, my sisters were looking through the cat door laughing at me. Why are we laughing at you?
They were laughing at this situation. But yeah, there are things that you wish to be different, but actually it is unique to know that, you know, I'm here to Leah and lover and that continues. Awesome. Thank you.
All right, let's wrap it up.
Glad I didn't prepare anything for today.
I can't trust you guys with the microphone, I tell you. All right, let's pray.
Laura, thank you for these stories that we got to hear.
awesome and heartwarming to just hear about love.
And just how you bring people together.
And Lord, it's exciting as we
Hopefully just, again, we're able to reminisce a bit and appreciate
the person sitting next to us and
Just the love that you brought into our lives. And so, Lord, we appreciate all the stories.
We appreciate the
the fun i just pray lord that
Again, during maybe a little bit more stressful times, we remember
Back to those special days and
Forget about the silly arguments that we don't even know what they were about.
and and just
show our affection and express to each other.
how much we love.
person you brought into our lives. To help us today as we look at the roles of the husband and the wife and
See if we can honor you, Lord, with all that we say.
In Jesus name. Amen.
Okay, so again, for those who were not here last night, our theme verse for the weekend is Psalm 127, verse 1. Unless the Lord builds the house.
They labor in vain who build it. So regardless of how romantic you are or how silly your story is.
The Lord needs to be the one that's the architect and the builder
of your relationship. And so I want to
Look at roles a little bit.
This morning, and I don't know time wise how we'll do it
Fortunately, we're flexible and we can
make up for it later.
The role of the husband.
These are just simple overview points. And remember, I told you yesterday that you're probably not going to hear anything new this weekend.
I stir you up by way of reminder.
And so most of these things should just be reminders
for you. But I came up with
Simple words here, love, learn, and lead.
And we'll look at scripturally the basis of those things.
So in terms of loving.
It's good to remember from 1 John 4, 19 that we love because he first loved us.
But I was thinking about this in relation to
husbands and wives and
I wonder how much
the man
should be or is the initiator.
when it comes to the loving relationship in the home.
Remember, we talked about Ephesians yesterday
the husbands are commanded
I love their wives.
I mentioned that book, Love and Respect, where there seems to be this
Generally speaking, more of a need
for women to feel loved.
And maybe cherished is a better word.
In our context here.
But, you know, guys, do you take the initiative you know do you
Do you go out there and make sure
Your wife knows that you love her and you care for her.
I think it's also important too to look at from the idea of the Lord's love
And how he's the one that gives us the ability to love each other. And it
You know, it's not the Disneyland fairy tale
romance after probably the first
two weeks. After that, it gets real and we need to
to recognize that we need the Lord's help.
to love. Ephesians 5.25, again, I mentioned that earlier. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her.
So what does it mean to give up? Giving up your time?
You know, maybe you have
hobbies that you'd much rather be doing but
thinking of your wife's needs above your owns.
is really important. Attention.
You know, I used to say, well, I can multitask with the best of them so i can be
You know, watching the Sharks on one channel and flip it over to the Giants on another channel and be preparing for Bible study and
completely listen to what my wife's saying to me.
Not so much.
You know, a guy said, you know, my wife said the other day
You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?
And he looked up and said, that's a strange way to start a conversation.
Yes, yes, yeah.
give your wife your attention.
Even if you're studying the Bible and preparing for a ministry or
Whatever you're doing, when your wife walks in.
put the book down, turn the sound off, turn the TV off, whatever it is, and look at her.
And it seems so silly.
But it speaks volumes.
When you looked him in the eyes.
And actively listen.
participate in the conversation.
And not say, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting it, but you're really
sending mixed messages.
Giving up
yourself for the sake
of your spouse.
Little journalists not loved with word or with tongue, but indeed and in truth.
So guys, show your wife
that you love her? I was…
reminded of a story a friend of mine was coming home from work
It was on his anniversary, actually.
And he got pulled over by
San Jose's finest.
And the guy, the cop had a decent sense of humor. He says, what's the hurry?
And the guy actually said, he goes, well, I'm
On my way home to take my wife out
or anniversary.
And the police officer said, well, do you have anything for her?
He said, no. And so he said, well, I'm going to let you off if you promise you'd be going to go and buy your wife some flowers.
And bring them home to her for your anniversary.
And it just reminded me of the fact that we need to show
our love as well as talk it. And again, so many times the guys
forget to
to say how much they care for
their spouse.
show them that you love them. I know there's a book about love languages, and I know there's a little bit of controversy about it, but
The concept, I think, is pretty good is to understand what
makes your spouse feel loved.
and try to
accommodate that. And again, I don't want to get into all the weird stuff of how
that can get out of proportion but
If your spouse likes to be with you.
Don't go mow the lawn. Be with her.
If she loves words of affirmation.
Writer cards.
you know and not just texts, but actually like a card
that you have to go out and buy and think about and write down.
And just show little
acts of of love
My wife loves it when
I'm walking by here in the house at some point and they just touch her.
You know, it might be just, you know, like stroke or hair or you know
Give her a kiss on the top of the head if she's at her desk, just something that's
you're letting them know that, hey, I'm thinking about you, even though you're just doing routine stuff.
So it doesn't have to be giant acts of sacrifice.
Just little acts of kindness that
means so much.
Ephesians 5, 28 and 29. Again, we read this yesterday.
But the husband ought to love.
their own wives as their own bodies.
And, you know.
Looking at me, you might think, you don't love your body very much, but you think about it, we love ourselves. I mean, we really do.
And if I put the amount of effort and care into my wife that I do to myself.
She would really appreciate that and recognize it and know it.
So, um.
Ask yourself, how much do I love me?
And am I being fair with the amount of love that I'm showing
My wife.
Men need to…
lovers. We also need to be learners.
1 Peter 3, 7 says, you husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way.
As with someone weaker since she is a woman.
and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
So that your prayers may not be hindered.
That word there.
live is in the present active
tents.
It has the idea of ongoing
So live continually in an understanding or in a learning
way.
People are complicated.
you know people talk about being an onion in many different layers of our personality of our being.
And sometimes it's hard to understand that
person that you spend every evening with.
And it's up to us as men to continue to learn.
When was the last time that you learned something
knew about your wife.
somebody oh just a breakfast this morning. I won't mention any names, but somebody was telling me a story and the husband was like, what?
Like, I never knew that about you.
So today, somebody learned something new about their spouse.
So be a learner.
inquisitive. What's unique
About your wife you know we joked about that yesterday about something unique about our family. What's unique about your wife?
Do you know what?
she really cares about, you know, wives are so awesome they
they just kind of do everything to love and support their husband.
Generally.
And don't really seem to care so much about their own self. You know, my wife
you ask her, what's your hobby? She goes, I don't have one.
Why not?
He just cares about me, not about herself.
And…
that's probably a little bit bad on my part, to be honest, because I don't want to
have her just focus on me and make me an idol but
That's the way
women are. They just are so nurturing and caring and sacrificial.
Guys, we need to…
Inquire, search them out.
live in an understanding way.
This is, again, a little bit controversial as with someone weaker. And I would say, generally speaking, you know, we're talking
Physically, of course, we're going to see on the pickleball court later on today who's got game.
But, um.
I don't think it means spiritually.
Kayla, as I said last night, oftentimes women are more spiritual than men. There's way more
single women missionaries on the field than there are single men on the field.
But there's something there that the Bible, the Lord himself saying that there's a weaker aspect to women. So guys, you need to figure out what that is. You need to be able to
protect and cherish them.
It says, show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
And the thing that I thought of was to kind of cherish
your wife kind of like
maybe like fine china
you know we have we have a China hutch in our house and there's beautiful China in there that we hardly ever use
the pragmatic guys. It's like, why do we spend all this money on the stuff that we look at? But anyway, when we do use it.
I'm careful. I'm kind of like a big plastic guy, you know, got this at the baseball game. Here's my, you know.
You just throw it in the dishwasher and it's, you know, it gets all
The logos get worn off in the dishwasher and you just drop it on the floor, you kind of kick it and you know try to a soccer player try to try to juggle and catch
You don't do that with China.
Well, your wife is like fine china.
And the way you handle her emotionally, obviously, I'm talking not physically, although I guess that could be a thing
But you need to cherish her.
you need to make her feel like she's on display for the world to see because you admire her and love her so much. It's like, this is our prized possession. This is my prized possession.
Honor her as a fellow heir.
So that your prayers may not be hindered.
Why would my prayers be hindered?
It seems like the lord's saying
If you don't treat her right, don't come talking to me.
And there's there's uh
kind of global meta-narrative of god saying
This is important to me. This person is important to me
Remember the covenant we talked about last night?
Are you honoring that?
Because if you're not.
I'm not sure I want to hear from you right now.
And that's kind of weird to think. I mean, God's like, well, he's always there for us
Yeah, but sometimes there's conditions.
And this seems to be one of them.
that we cherish and understand
and appreciate our wives.
It impacts your spiritual life.
So you need to be aware.
You need to be the leader. You're the head of the wife, as it says there in Ephesians 5.
Just as Christ is the head of the church.
the savior of the body.
But as a church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
The man is meant to be the leader.
If you have your Bibles, you can flip back to Genesis
Chapter 3.
I'm sure you're familiar that Genesis chapter three is the the fall.
And there were some consequences as a result.
And in chapter three and verse 16
to the woman, the Lord said.
I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth.
In pain you will bring forth children
Yet your desire will be for your husband.
And he will rule over you.
So that word desire has always been kind of strange to me, and I didn't look up on the different translations or versions of the Bible.
But what does it mean your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you?
Well, if you go over to Genesis 4
In verse 7, I think it might
shed a little bit of light on that word.
This is the story of Cain and Abel.
Which didn't end well.
The Lord says to Cain in verse 6, why are you angry and why has your countenance fallen?
If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up?
And if you do not do well, sin is crushing at the door and its desire is for you.
You must master it. And so if you look at the context there, it seems like
like sin has a desire to do something
in his life. Sin wanted to
control him. Sin wanted to
take him down.
So if you go back then to chapter three.
your desire will be for your husband. So when you see a word used by the same author in the same book, generally speaking, they're going to be
the same meaning. And so it seems here that
Part of the curse is that the woman would want to take the lead.
want to have control.
over the husband.
And the Lord says to the man, no, you need to be the leader.
And it's amazing how the Lord works. He tends to do things that we don't like.
Because we have to submit to him.
And it brings him more honor and glory.
And so generally speaking.
A lot of guys would, I mean, they come home and they just want to be quiet. They just want to hang around and
not be bothered. Just be comfortable and relaxed.
And it's like, you can take care of the kids. You can do whatever you want. Well, I don't care what you're doing. Do whatever you want. Oh, I don't care what we go do.
that's not being a leader.
And so kind of in the natural order, well, I guess the curse order
guys have tended to shirk that responsibility. And naturally, as part of the curse, it seems like God's saying.
that women are going to naturally want to take that spot.
And guys, it's up to us to not
abdicate that responsibility.
As much as our wives are capable
The Lord's saying that that's not the way he wants it to be done.
So we need to lead.
But that doesn't mean that we lead
as dictators, Jesus calls the disciples to himself and he said, you know, through the rules of the Gentiles lorded over them.
And the great man exercised authority over them.
It's not this way among you.
But whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant.
And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave.
Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.
And to give his life a ransom for many.
And so when we say that the man is to lead, it's not to lead as a dictator.
It's not to come home and start bossing people around.
And say, I'm in charge here.
It's not as someone who's overly dominating
You don't have to make every single decision in your home.
You don't have to be
Napoleon.
And certainly you don't need to be demanding.
And again, I don't know the crowd, but I've just experienced so many guys that say, well, God's made me the leader. I need to be the leader.
the woman needs to submit. It's my way, the highway and they
they kind of do it lovingly
But kind of not.
And it's so sad when you see
people who are
selfishly using the bible to
domineer their spouse in what I think is an ungodly way.
Same passage in Ephesians goes on to say, so that, so the purpose for the commands about loving
So that he might sanctify her.
Having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word.
that he may present to himself the church in all her glory. So this is obviously she talking about Christ in the church
But husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies
the same way that Christ loves the church.
And so if you think about it.
your
Number one, discipleship ministry.
Gentlemen should be with your wife.
Is she more godly because of you?
Are your conversations of a spiritual nature?
You know, so often or so
there's a great potential
for us to think, okay, ministry, that's what i do
at church or in my job as I'm trying to evangelize
And these ministries that I'm a part of
And we come home and we say, this is my home.
And we separate them.
Yeah, my wife goes to the ladies Bible studies. That's great.
But I don't think that's what the Lord is saying.
I think he's saying you need to
Sanctify your wife.
by the way you live and interact with her.
And I'm not saying or suggesting that you have to come home and have two hour Bible studies every day with your wife so you can show her how smart you are.
But as your goal, gentlemen.
to build up your wife spiritually.
It's a tremendous opportunity
and responsibility as well.
Philippians chapter 2.
Verse 20.
This is a little tangential, but I think it's applicable.
It's Paul speaking about Timothy, and he says in verse 20, I have no one else of kindred spirit
who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare.
So I think we as husbands need to be genuinely concerned
or our wife's spiritual welfare.
So I'll challenge you with that.
Lord willing, you're all doing spectacular in it. And it's just another reminder.
I think it says in 1 Thessalonians, you know, love one another as you're already doing, but excel still more.
So if any of these things are say, oh, I got that down.
Excel still more. There's always more that we can do to honor the Lord in our relationships.
And finally, as we wrap up the role of the man here this morning.
Lead by example.
You know, Paul says the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things.
And the God of peace will be with you.
And so it's not, you know.
bugging your wife about
spending time with the Lord.
challenging her to pray
while you're gone at work.
It's being an example and just quietly opening your bible and
Spending time with the Lord and praying and praying
letting her see that her
that that relationship is important to you
And as a result, she'll see that it should be important to her.
I do suggest and recommend highly that you pray together, that you do spend time daily if possible.
Praying with your spouse.
But again, it doesn't have to be a big long
religious thing, but just be a leader, be an example.
And
I said one more thing. What a preacher. I'm going to say one more thing.
first timothy.
has some good practical advice as well.
Chapter 2.
Okay.
2 Timothy no wonder didn't make sense.
Now let's look at chapter 3, verses 4 and 5.
Talking about talking about
responsibility or character traits of a leader
He must be one who manages his household well.
keeping his children under control with dignity
Because if he can't manage his own household, how is he going to take care of the church of God?
So again, that idea being an example, oftentimes when we're
talking to someone about becoming a deacon or an elder will interview their children.
Say, hey, how's dad at home?
is he is he
Respectable? Is he mean to you?
I remember actually Gene Gibson, since I mentioned his name, went to this girl, I think she was about 13 at the time.
And he said, okay, you know, I love you i'm your
I'm your uncle.
Spiritually speaking, she said
He said to her, I want you to know that if your daddy doesn't treat you right at home, you come and tell me.
And we'll take care of that.
And
She did. And he did.
And we need to
live inside the house
what we talk about outside the house.
You need to be examples. And it's a tremendous role. And I think when we get into parenting, I'll talk a little bit more about the father's role there.
But for now, guys, are you
Loving your wife in the way that she knows it is like unmistakable. You're the apple
of his eye. Guys, are you learning?
Are you understanding your wife and trying to get to know her better and
recognize when things are off and you need to just pray for her. You just need to go give her a hug.
You need to tell her how much you care about her.
And then are you being a leader in the home?
And not just the guy that decides where you go to dinner or
what time you leave for church.
But the one who's an example in the small ways
In the practical ways that assess that standard
that they'll want to follow because it's Christ honoring.
So that's the challenge for guys. We'll take a break and we'll get to the ladies afterwards.
Lord, we thank you for your word and we thank you for
And the beauty of marriage and the gift that it is
We pray that as we
try to live our marriages in a way that honors you.
that we would keep biblical principles in mind and strive to
make you look good to an onlooking world.
in jesus name amen